Apa beza daun betik ngan tangan perempuan?
Daun betik boleh melembutkan daging yang keras, tangan perempuan dapat mengeraskan daging yang lembut.

Haiwan apakah yang pertama sampai ke bulan?
Burung punai (Neil Armstrong punya)

Apa beza tayar kereta dengan kondom?
Tayar kereta kalau bocor boleh menghilangkan nyawa,
kondom plak kalau bocor boleh menambahkan nyawa.

Apa yang mahal pada BMW?
> Huruf W. Cuba tukarkan W ngan X. Jadi BMX. Kan murah tu...

Rumah apakah yang gunakan banyak air?
> Rumah terbakar

Hitam, panjang, dipeluk dan diapit dua paha.
> Orang sedang panjat tiang talipon.

Ubat apa yang tak ada kesan sampingan (side effect)?
> Viagra dan Krim membesarkan payudara. Kesan dia ke depan, bukan ke samping.

Waktu dia hidup orang menyanyi, bila dia mati orang bertepuk tangan. Apa dia?
> Lilin kek harijadi.

Bibir bertemu bibir. Tangan asyik meraba lubang. Mata terpejam menikmatinya.
> Orang sedang meniup seruling.

Apa nama sudirman masa kecil?
> Sudirboy.

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan ..

Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,
'Manicures, $20.00'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let
Out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit......which now had a button sewn neatly on the end..

Faiz sedang enak menjamu selera di KFC... tiba-tiba...dia rasa nak buang angin..nak kentut kat luar tak sempat. tiba-tiba Faiz dapat satu idea. Dalam restoran KFC tu, ada pasang lagu n bunyinya agak kuat.

Faiz pun melepaskan kentutnya mengikut irama lagu didalam KFC tu...bila dah habis kentut, dia perasan semua orang dalam KFC tu tengok dia...baru dia ingat...dia pakai ipod...bermakna......dia sorang je la yang dengar lagu tu n semua orang dalam KFC tu dengar dia kentut mengikut rentak lagu....

Faiz berasa malu lalu terus keluar dari KFC tanpa sempat membasuh tangannya...

Ah Beng was at home watching a football game when his wife
Ah Lian
interrupted,
"Sayang, can you fix the light in the porch?
It's been blown for a week
now."

He looked at her and said angrily,
"Fix the light? Now? Does it look like
I have a Philips logo printed on my forehead?".

"If not, can you you fix the fridge door? It won't close tightly."
To which Ah Beng replied,
"Fix the fridge door?Does it look like I have Mitsubishi written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"OK",she said,
"Then can you at least fix our bedroom curtains?They're about to fall ".
"I'm not an upholstery man and I don't wantto fix the curtains,", he
said.
"Do I have Ikea written on my forehead?Definitely not".

Ah Beng continued .... "I've had enough of you.I'm going out for a drink!"

So he went to a pub nearby, and stayed there for several hours.Later, he
began to feel guilty about how he had treated his wife, and decided to go home and help out.

As he walked towards his house, he noticed the light in the porch was already changed.As he entered the kitchen, he noticed the fridge
door was fixed.By the time he got into the bedroom, he realised the
curtains were hangingproperly.

"Sayang, how did all these get fixed?"

Ah Lian boldly said,
"Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him everything.He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either bake him a cake, or have sex with him."

Ah Beng then eagerly asked, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"

And grasping the very moment she had, Ah Lian sharply snapped back,
"Hellooooo ... Do you see SECRET RECIPE written on my forehead ?"

Boss berkata kepada Secretary : Kita akan outstation selama seminggu, jadi aturkan segalanya.

Secretary menelefon Suaminya : Untuk seminggu boss saya dan saya akan outstation, awak pandai2 jaga diri nanti¡­

Suami menelefon Buah Hatinya : Isteri saya akan outstation selama seminggu, jadi mari kita habiskan masa bersama-sama¡­.

Buah Hati menelefon Murid tuisyennya : Saya kene bekerja selama seminggu, jadi awak tak perlu datang untuk tuisyen¡­

Murid tuisyen tersebut menelefon Atuknya : Atuk, untuk seminggu saya takde kelas sebab cikgu saya sibuk. Mari kita habiskan masa bersama¡­

Atuk (Boss) menelefon Secretary : Minggu ni saya nak abiskan masa bersama cucu saya.. Batalkan outstation tuh¡­


Secretary menelefon Suaminya : Minggu ni boss saya ade kerja, kami dah membatalkan outstation tu¡­

Suami menelefon Buah Hatinya : Kita tak dapat nak habiskan masa bersama untuk minggu ni, isteri saya dah membatalkan outstationnya. .

Buah Hati menelefon Murid Tuisyennya : Minggu ni kelas tuisyen mcm biase.

Murid Tuisyen menelefon Atuknya : Atuk, cikgu saya cakap minggu ni saya kene pergi kelas tuisyen. Sori, saya tak bleh temankan atuk.

Atuk(Boss) menelefon Secretary : Jangan risau, minggu ni kita outstation. Jadi uruskan semuanya..

Seorang lelaki menerima panggilan drp doktor beliau...
doktor: sy ad berita baik & berita buruk utk kamu
lelaki: Baik, beritau berita baik dulu...
doktor: berita baiknya adalah, kamu mempunyai hanya 24jam lg utk hidup
lelaki: alamak! kalau itu berita baik, apa berita buruknya?
doktor: berita buruknya adalah saya terlupa utk telefon awak semalam...

Seorang gadis menjadi pelacur tetapi tidak mahu neneknya tahu.

Satu hari satu gerombolan pelacur ditangkap termasuklah gadis itu.
Polis meminta pelacur-pelacur itu membuat satu garisan lurus. Semua beratur.

Tiba-tiba muncul nenek tua kepada gadis itu jalan bongkok-bongkok dan setelah
melihat cucunya berbaris dia bertanya: "Kenapa kamu berbaris di sini?"

Cucu pula untuk menghalang neneknya tahu cerita sebenar telah berbohong dengan
mengatakan ada dermawan akan menderma buah orange dan sebab itulah beliau berbaris.
Nenek beredar pergi. Di pertengahan jalan dia teringatkan cucu-cucunya yang lain yang
mungkin mengharapkan beliau membawa pulang buah-buahan.
Lalu dia pun turut berbaris tanpa diketahui oleh cucunya.Dia berbaris di belakang.

Seorang anggota polis mengambil kenyataan-kenyataan dari gadis yang sedang berbaris itu.
Apabila dia sampai untuk giliran mendapatkan kenyataan orang terakhir, dia terkejut kerana
tercegat seorang nenek yang jalan pun bongkok-bongkok macam tiada kudrat.
Dia tercengang lalu tertanya: "Kamu tua, bagaimana kamu lakukannya?"

Si nenek (menyangka soalan itu ditanya tentang bagaimana dia boleh makan orange itu) menjawab:
"Oh senang je. Aku hanya cabut gigi palsu dan mula sedut sampai airnya kering."

A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years.
They had the following conversation:
Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water.
Woman: Ok.
Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water.
Woman: Ok.
Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water.
After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks, "Can you tell me
what's wrong with me Dr.?
Dr.: Yeah. You do not drink enough water.

A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet shop, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the shop very disappointed.

Lady: "The parrot doesn't talk."

Shop owner: "Did you buy a mirror?"

Lady: "No."

Shop owner: "Every parrot needs a mirror."


So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned.

Lady: "The parrot still doesn't talk."

Shop owner: "Did you buy a ladder?"

Lady: "No."

Shop owner: "Every parrot needs a ladder."



So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned.
Lady: "The parrot still doesn't talk."

Shop owner: "Did you buy a swing?"

Lady: "No."

Shop owner: "Every parrot needs a swing."
So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious! The shop owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"

Lady: "Yes but he died!"

Shop owner: "Oh, that's terrible. What did he say before he died?""

Lady: "He said 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"