tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54547786424182334832024-03-13T12:25:22.953-07:00LAWAK SENGALKOLEKSI LAWAK TERUNGGUL ABAD INI...Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-59746037383331418672010-01-21T23:26:00.000-08:002010-01-21T23:27:22.483-08:00mari masak...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkRzfVqvthY-rtOwxboDxy5vL-kvkYPDdZ__xH-eUMrCusgPjNnMXI1IVWWjEafafpL59b9vuuw_pcfXBXdCJ6aszZW_Bm9oWUbihaZ7DFo8R12av-0Lk8KKXTb5scfHt9Dksxgg3yCSE/s1600-h/untitled.bmp"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 302px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkRzfVqvthY-rtOwxboDxy5vL-kvkYPDdZ__xH-eUMrCusgPjNnMXI1IVWWjEafafpL59b9vuuw_pcfXBXdCJ6aszZW_Bm9oWUbihaZ7DFo8R12av-0Lk8KKXTb5scfHt9Dksxgg3yCSE/s400/untitled.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429462393683117186" /></a>Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-14969471038480099762010-01-21T22:50:00.000-08:002010-01-21T22:52:09.534-08:00KALAU TIPU KENA LEMPANG!!!Mizan merupakan seorang saintis yang sangat terkenal kerana berjaya mencipta sebuah robot yang mampu mengesan sebarang bentuk "pembohongan". Oleh kerana kejayaannya itu, di telah dianugerahkan dengan gelaran Professor Mizan. Robot ciptaannya itu sangat "terer" dalam mengesan pembohongan dan robot tersebut turut memiliki kelengkapan khas di mana apabila ia mengesan pembohongan dilakukan, secara automatik ia akan menampar si pembohong itu.<br /><br />Kemudian, Leman dengan bangganya membawa pulang robot tersebut ke rumah dan meletakkannya di ruang tamu sambil menunggu anaknya Akram pulang.<br /><br />Mizan : Kamu dari mana?<br />Akram : Dari kelas tambahan ayah<br /><br />*PLANG* Robot tersebut menampar anaknya.<br /><br />Mizan : Nak,ini adalah robot ciptaan ayah, dia akan menampar sesiapa yang berbohong! Sekarang katakan dengan jujur, kenapa kamu pulang lewat??!<br />Akram : Maaf ayah… saya baru habis menonton movie di rumah kawan…<br />Mizan : Cerita apa?<br />Akram : Cerita Papadom ayah<br /><br />*PLANG* Robot tersebut menampar anaknya sekali lagi.<br /><br />Mizan : Katakan dengan jujur cerita apa?!<br />Akram : Maaf ayah… saya tengok cerita lucah<br /><br />Mendengarkan itu marahlah Mizan.<br /><br />Mizan : Kamu nie… kecil-kecil dah nakal… kamu nak jadi apa bila besar nanti?! Malukan ayah saja perbuatan kamu nie. Masa ayah kecil dulu , ayah tak pernah pun buat macam nie.<br /><br />*PLANG* Mizan ditampar oleh robotnya. Suasana hening untuk beberapa ketika...<br /><br />Isteri Mizan iaitu Tipah kemudiannya masuk ke ruang tamu dan langsung berkata… <br /><br />Tipah : Huh, sama saja kelakuannya, ke mana akan tumpahnya kuah kalau tak ke nasi? Bagaimana pun sememangnya dia anak awak…<br /><br />*PLANG* Robot menampar isteri Mizan sebelum isterinya sempat menyelesaikan kata-katanya…<br />dan semua terdiam…Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-74044466081606591372009-11-17T05:41:00.000-08:002009-11-17T05:41:18.187-08:00TEKA TEKIApa beza daun betik ngan tangan perempuan?<br />
Daun betik boleh melembutkan daging yang keras, tangan perempuan dapat mengeraskan daging yang lembut.<br />
<br />
Haiwan apakah yang pertama sampai ke bulan?<br />
Burung punai (Neil Armstrong punya) <br />
<br />
Apa beza tayar kereta dengan kondom?<br />
Tayar kereta kalau bocor boleh menghilangkan nyawa,<br />
kondom plak kalau bocor boleh menambahkan nyawa.<br />
<br />
Apa yang mahal pada BMW?<br />
> Huruf W. Cuba tukarkan W ngan X. Jadi BMX. Kan murah tu... <br />
<br />
Rumah apakah yang gunakan banyak air?<br />
> Rumah terbakar<br />
<br />
Hitam, panjang, dipeluk dan diapit dua paha.<br />
> Orang sedang panjat tiang talipon.<br />
<br />
Ubat apa yang tak ada kesan sampingan (side effect)? <br />
> Viagra dan Krim membesarkan payudara. Kesan dia ke depan, bukan ke samping.<br />
<br />
Waktu dia hidup orang menyanyi, bila dia mati orang bertepuk tangan. Apa dia?<br />
> Lilin kek harijadi.<br />
<br />
Bibir bertemu bibir. Tangan asyik meraba lubang. Mata terpejam menikmatinya. <br />
> Orang sedang meniup seruling.<br />
<br />
Apa nama sudirman masa kecil?<br />
> Sudirboy.Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-53326515644665724842009-11-16T05:26:00.001-08:002009-11-16T05:26:56.786-08:00JAPAN FUTURISTIC HOTELA Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan .. <br />
<br />
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. <br />
<br />
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.' <br />
<br />
Sceptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life. <br />
<br />
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, <br />
'Manicures, $20.00'. <br />
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. <br />
<br />
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.' <br />
<br />
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let <br />
Out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. <br />
<br />
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit......which now had a button sewn neatly on the end..Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-56353379052136262682009-11-16T02:10:00.000-08:002009-11-16T02:11:27.190-08:00ipod...Faiz sedang enak menjamu selera di KFC... tiba-tiba...dia rasa nak buang angin..nak kentut kat luar tak sempat. tiba-tiba Faiz dapat satu idea. Dalam restoran KFC tu, ada pasang lagu n bunyinya agak kuat.<br />
<br />
Faiz pun melepaskan kentutnya mengikut irama lagu didalam KFC tu...bila dah habis kentut, dia perasan semua orang dalam KFC tu tengok dia...baru dia ingat...dia pakai ipod...bermakna......dia sorang je la yang dengar lagu tu n semua orang dalam KFC tu dengar dia kentut mengikut rentak lagu....<br />
<br />
Faiz berasa malu lalu terus keluar dari KFC tanpa sempat membasuh tangannya...Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-72805675199248445472009-11-10T03:44:00.000-08:002009-11-10T03:44:54.852-08:00ah beng and his wifeAh Beng was at home watching a football game when his wife<br />
Ah Lian<br />
interrupted,<br />
"Sayang, can you fix the light in the porch?<br />
It's been blown for a week<br />
now." <br />
<br />
He looked at her and said angrily, <br />
"Fix the light? Now? Does it look like<br />
I have a Philips logo printed on my forehead?".<br />
<br />
"If not, can you you fix the fridge door? It won't close tightly." <br />
To which Ah Beng replied, <br />
"Fix the fridge door?Does it look like I have Mitsubishi written on my forehead? I don't think so."<br />
<br />
"OK",she said, <br />
"Then can you at least fix our bedroom curtains?They're about to fall ".<br />
"I'm not an upholstery man and I don't wantto fix the curtains,", he<br />
said.<br />
"Do I have Ikea written on my forehead?Definitely not".<br />
<br />
Ah Beng continued .... "I've had enough of you.I'm going out for a drink!"<br />
<br />
So he went to a pub nearby, and stayed there for several hours.Later, he<br />
began to feel guilty about how he had treated his wife, and decided to go home and help out.<br />
<br />
As he walked towards his house, he noticed the light in the porch was already changed.As he entered the kitchen, he noticed the fridge<br />
door was fixed.By the time he got into the bedroom, he realised the<br />
curtains were hangingproperly. <br />
<br />
"Sayang, how did all these get fixed?"<br />
<br />
Ah Lian boldly said, <br />
"Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried.Just then, a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him everything.He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either bake him a cake, or have sex with him."<br />
<br />
Ah Beng then eagerly asked, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"<br />
<br />
And grasping the very moment she had, Ah Lian sharply snapped back,<br />
"Hellooooo ... Do you see SECRET RECIPE written on my forehead ?"Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-77318091376626478622009-11-06T03:04:00.001-08:002009-11-06T03:04:04.776-08:00outstationBoss berkata kepada Secretary : Kita akan outstation selama seminggu, jadi aturkan segalanya.<br />
<br />
Secretary menelefon Suaminya : Untuk seminggu boss saya dan saya akan outstation, awak pandai2 jaga diri nanti¡<br />
<br />
Suami menelefon Buah Hatinya : Isteri saya akan outstation selama seminggu, jadi mari kita habiskan masa bersama-sama¡.<br />
<br />
Buah Hati menelefon Murid tuisyennya : Saya kene bekerja selama seminggu, jadi awak tak perlu datang untuk tuisyen¡<br />
<br />
Murid tuisyen tersebut menelefon Atuknya : Atuk, untuk seminggu saya takde kelas sebab cikgu saya sibuk. Mari kita habiskan masa bersama¡<br />
<br />
Atuk (Boss) menelefon Secretary : Minggu ni saya nak abiskan masa bersama cucu saya.. Batalkan outstation tuh¡<br />
<br />
<br />
Secretary menelefon Suaminya : Minggu ni boss saya ade kerja, kami dah membatalkan outstation tu¡<br />
<br />
Suami menelefon Buah Hatinya : Kita tak dapat nak habiskan masa bersama untuk minggu ni, isteri saya dah membatalkan outstationnya. .<br />
<br />
Buah Hati menelefon Murid Tuisyennya : Minggu ni kelas tuisyen mcm biase.<br />
<br />
Murid Tuisyen menelefon Atuknya : Atuk, cikgu saya cakap minggu ni saya kene pergi kelas tuisyen. Sori, saya tak bleh temankan atuk.<br />
<br />
Atuk(Boss) menelefon Secretary : Jangan risau, minggu ni kita outstation. Jadi uruskan semuanya..Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-92007329106530168142009-11-04T03:52:00.001-08:002009-11-04T03:52:23.533-08:00Berita baik, berita burukSeorang lelaki menerima panggilan drp doktor beliau...<br />
doktor: sy ad berita baik & berita buruk utk kamu<br />
lelaki: Baik, beritau berita baik dulu...<br />
doktor: berita baiknya adalah, kamu mempunyai hanya 24jam lg utk hidup<br />
lelaki: alamak! kalau itu berita baik, apa berita buruknya?<br />
doktor: berita buruknya adalah saya terlupa utk telefon awak semalam...Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-38541967701840873292009-11-04T03:11:00.001-08:002009-11-04T03:11:31.517-08:00Sedut Sampai Kering<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirsleee9IokzSWgceXZlpK0oZG_Bqur3EukWsjun4JuiOs68hfuz9uQwUnh4vAi4R9Y9EiN6noMTp_2SoideUfCtRcf8gdaUx7AcYQmbf0aErdOdvnFisAMvKRNWVWL0TIzhGkrybtdjo/s1600-h/013788760.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" sr="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirsleee9IokzSWgceXZlpK0oZG_Bqur3EukWsjun4JuiOs68hfuz9uQwUnh4vAi4R9Y9EiN6noMTp_2SoideUfCtRcf8gdaUx7AcYQmbf0aErdOdvnFisAMvKRNWVWL0TIzhGkrybtdjo/s320/013788760.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><br />
Seorang gadis menjadi pelacur tetapi tidak mahu neneknya tahu.<br />
<br />
Satu hari satu gerombolan pelacur ditangkap termasuklah gadis itu.<br />
Polis meminta pelacur-pelacur itu membuat satu garisan lurus. Semua beratur.<br />
<br />
Tiba-tiba muncul nenek tua kepada gadis itu jalan bongkok-bongkok dan setelah<br />
melihat cucunya berbaris dia bertanya: "Kenapa kamu berbaris di sini?"<br />
<br />
Cucu pula untuk menghalang neneknya tahu cerita sebenar telah berbohong dengan<br />
mengatakan ada dermawan akan menderma buah orange dan sebab itulah beliau berbaris.<br />
Nenek beredar pergi. Di pertengahan jalan dia teringatkan cucu-cucunya yang lain yang<br />
mungkin mengharapkan beliau membawa pulang buah-buahan.<br />
Lalu dia pun turut berbaris tanpa diketahui oleh cucunya.Dia berbaris di belakang.<br />
<br />
Seorang anggota polis mengambil kenyataan-kenyataan dari gadis yang sedang berbaris itu.<br />
Apabila dia sampai untuk giliran mendapatkan kenyataan orang terakhir, dia terkejut kerana<br />
tercegat seorang nenek yang jalan pun bongkok-bongkok macam tiada kudrat.<br />
Dia tercengang lalu tertanya: "Kamu tua, bagaimana kamu lakukannya?"<br />
<br />
Si nenek (menyangka soalan itu ditanya tentang bagaimana dia boleh makan orange itu) menjawab:<br />
"Oh senang je. Aku hanya cabut gigi palsu dan mula sedut sampai airnya kering."Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-73488577351112620382009-11-04T02:36:00.000-08:002009-11-04T02:36:41.439-08:00water<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG5AcN2k5-4JyfZ8ELnZep4px5c5qItG6yNhbiZufBvuHKnFXfiDo4dZg7oaFY08IOcK737iDBa9fFDqCrvT136S4zUHFTo4LWf1aQCkGttP7ZardWSM8QhLkALgqrUPQPheD2LDNdwyo/s1600-h/013852110.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" sr="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG5AcN2k5-4JyfZ8ELnZep4px5c5qItG6yNhbiZufBvuHKnFXfiDo4dZg7oaFY08IOcK737iDBa9fFDqCrvT136S4zUHFTo4LWf1aQCkGttP7ZardWSM8QhLkALgqrUPQPheD2LDNdwyo/s320/013852110.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years.<br />
They had the following conversation: <br />
Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water.<br />
Woman: Ok. <br />
Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water.<br />
Woman: Ok. <br />
Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water.<br />
After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks, "Can you tell me <br />
what's wrong with me Dr.?<br />
Dr.: Yeah. You do not drink enough water.Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-8749125073944731682009-11-04T02:15:00.000-08:002009-11-04T02:15:16.919-08:00Poor Parrot<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyeDH5MVE8td1btNkKw1OG7wtWFk5PYop3mf7Ou6_rXWwB3EehHiR9I51rdmKMcIiA4bK6dSMFd7AhrG42exbb_WjRrvsNsW4M57K5e1p0NvuEmbIYjpX3EDn9R9VoIKETo-9rNLO5Noc/s1600-h/013852032.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" sr="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyeDH5MVE8td1btNkKw1OG7wtWFk5PYop3mf7Ou6_rXWwB3EehHiR9I51rdmKMcIiA4bK6dSMFd7AhrG42exbb_WjRrvsNsW4M57K5e1p0NvuEmbIYjpX3EDn9R9VoIKETo-9rNLO5Noc/s320/013852032.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet shop, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the shop very disappointed. <br />
<br />
Lady: "The parrot doesn't talk."<br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Did you buy a mirror?" <br />
<br />
Lady: "No." <br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Every parrot needs a mirror." <br />
<br />
<br />
So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned. <br />
<br />
Lady: "The parrot still doesn't talk." <br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Did you buy a ladder?" <br />
<br />
Lady: "No." <br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Every parrot needs a ladder."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned.<br />
Lady: "The parrot still doesn't talk."<br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Did you buy a swing?"<br />
<br />
Lady: "No."<br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Every parrot needs a swing."<br />
So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious! The shop owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"<br />
<br />
Lady: "Yes but he died!"<br />
<br />
Shop owner: "Oh, that's terrible. What did he say before he died?""<br />
<br />
Lady: "He said 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-37600389423112407452009-11-03T02:25:00.000-08:002009-11-03T02:25:30.090-08:00NINJA<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF-1gcaioe0nUa8BVlrnllfA4sqzaUovPZyNmUjNG2OSe5U8zoD-kZ6YJGs_ZG6r_RsLUL9KrZrqLfDiFQE3TmdlyMs8fsPmXjrbtqrL0MxcCGCGn5MxLL-Arb_VLSgu9GUnF3DZ92iT0/s1600-h/013788760.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF-1gcaioe0nUa8BVlrnllfA4sqzaUovPZyNmUjNG2OSe5U8zoD-kZ6YJGs_ZG6r_RsLUL9KrZrqLfDiFQE3TmdlyMs8fsPmXjrbtqrL0MxcCGCGn5MxLL-Arb_VLSgu9GUnF3DZ92iT0/s320/013788760.jpg" vr="true" /></a><br />
</div>Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-42314106807061172792009-10-19T20:46:00.003-07:002009-10-19T20:58:08.409-07:00GAMBAR LAWAK: AKSI LALAT<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiva6muAr4nOfPlCbEeOa3elZd-80TTeKJ2mC9alm_YmA6g9R7lFQz5hS-blHN43pcYydUgksV2QRgJAbtrN4dVqqRExbYWPRDabnTbGYcJq0Dg7hHxDTX6U47wY0fh_iI_9lCY5xlDSFI/s1600-h/013788811.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiva6muAr4nOfPlCbEeOa3elZd-80TTeKJ2mC9alm_YmA6g9R7lFQz5hS-blHN43pcYydUgksV2QRgJAbtrN4dVqqRExbYWPRDabnTbGYcJq0Dg7hHxDTX6U47wY0fh_iI_9lCY5xlDSFI/s400/013788811.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394526441423432098" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTk_NH7kEv0hQ3vROjV7dUptv3Wnswxx7t7PVlznZCtiPlhHpRswrf3nxr4ngrQmhHduzDb8FTQAn-Rc6v2LlLnlVeHr81qYgWLj4uJs6bKs6jr-zLuy-5rfNbPyseEA6YvSOU_I97SYQ/s1600-h/013852035.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 333px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTk_NH7kEv0hQ3vROjV7dUptv3Wnswxx7t7PVlznZCtiPlhHpRswrf3nxr4ngrQmhHduzDb8FTQAn-Rc6v2LlLnlVeHr81qYgWLj4uJs6bKs6jr-zLuy-5rfNbPyseEA6YvSOU_I97SYQ/s400/013852035.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394525546051280450" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwRdZVsgu7Ews4vVPL5o5faMFd8jOI9lYwATxaa4RkMGOS5_NyMANW3Su5SiAjfIn_SonO06eIQZ0aK8DfQRflod98WWXj1jIb9jDLSSxXyKi6sajwYU57204ZKup3sYwkAEASBho2rSU/s1600-h/013852032.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 345px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwRdZVsgu7Ews4vVPL5o5faMFd8jOI9lYwATxaa4RkMGOS5_NyMANW3Su5SiAjfIn_SonO06eIQZ0aK8DfQRflod98WWXj1jIb9jDLSSxXyKi6sajwYU57204ZKup3sYwkAEASBho2rSU/s400/013852032.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394525537538932626" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8iSQ1v7WrZwje_2Kk4ch9kNyQfMKfrLx2cuosJbm2oPLydMfoOGYINaYNbwo0Qf8cXtqCCsfpiZiuEpSVj419kZ5wyHj6UIR0DP_4P1onkwydbF4zMTSyOGvmAKMWFFXFgh7PiKGUAG4/s1600-h/013852110.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8iSQ1v7WrZwje_2Kk4ch9kNyQfMKfrLx2cuosJbm2oPLydMfoOGYINaYNbwo0Qf8cXtqCCsfpiZiuEpSVj419kZ5wyHj6UIR0DP_4P1onkwydbF4zMTSyOGvmAKMWFFXFgh7PiKGUAG4/s400/013852110.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394525534684463490" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOjYbblEdEU8F5PCH43TMvqufjm1YD-L1rH9O8JziuHb7uVVmkt4SCf-lQ182e9qSPLEClkRXDTK-LCVgv7Bayzf1ejZ3ILtcDfWFq98Cf1wdmxrT3093EwQjitWYZyF4czu6KvsU-y_k/s1600-h/013788760.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOjYbblEdEU8F5PCH43TMvqufjm1YD-L1rH9O8JziuHb7uVVmkt4SCf-lQ182e9qSPLEClkRXDTK-LCVgv7Bayzf1ejZ3ILtcDfWFq98Cf1wdmxrT3093EwQjitWYZyF4czu6KvsU-y_k/s400/013788760.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394525525182699138" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdGDtuYTdUcET_Rr7KFum5K9skxPrilkqIpfbRoWQUkHIaTl8JYq8c-MFFHbmFSXk4J16gcl-mnecR5zX5iMQyyl4C69hioPWETCETYMwad9-u-oGBur4nZcoD7XLmk_Phf-FJv0OkFAs/s1600-h/013788773.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 182px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdGDtuYTdUcET_Rr7KFum5K9skxPrilkqIpfbRoWQUkHIaTl8JYq8c-MFFHbmFSXk4J16gcl-mnecR5zX5iMQyyl4C69hioPWETCETYMwad9-u-oGBur4nZcoD7XLmk_Phf-FJv0OkFAs/s400/013788773.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5394525518101800786" /></a>Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-9725951624913923832009-10-15T21:01:00.000-07:002009-10-15T21:14:46.579-07:00siput babi..Seekor siput babi masuk kedalam sebuah bar. malangnya kerana polisi ketat bar tersebut yg tdk membenarkan mana2 siput utk masuk, pengurus bar tersebut lalu menendang siput babi itu keluar..<br /><br /><strong><span style="color:#cc0000;">Setahun</span></strong> kemudian siput babi tersebut memasuki semula bar tersebut dan bertanya kpd pengurus bar tersebut, "hey, kenapa tendang sy keluar?!"<br /><br />P/s:siput tu slow sangat..setahun baru sampai ke bar tu balik selepas kena tendang.<br /><br />teka-teki:<br />kenapa siput babi gerak lambat sangat?<br /><br />jawapan:<br />sebab sambil gerak..dia berfikir..dia ni siput @ babi....Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-85030745762988098342009-10-15T20:59:00.000-07:002009-10-15T21:01:47.068-07:00curang 3 kali jer..Pada satu malam, ada pasangan yg agak berumursedang makan malam dengan romantiknya bagi menyambut ulangtahunperkahwinan mereka yg ke 50 tahun.<br /><br />Suaminya, seorang Tan Sri danbekas ahli politik mula bercerita tentang nostalgia mereka suamiisteri, sekian lama hidup bersama, suka duka, susah dan senang. Sisuami memang menyanjung isterinnya, bernama Maria.<br /><br />"Maria,selama kita kahwin ni, suka duka kita lalui, susah senang kita tempuh,abang amat menyanyang Maria, tapi ada satu perkara yg asyikbermain-main di benak abang ni dan abang selalu bertanya-tanya.Berterus-teranglah dgn abang pada malam ni, pernah tak Maria curang dgnabang selama ni?"<br /><br />Maria agak terkedu sekejap dan merenungpanjang muka suaminya itu, lalu berkata dengan penuh kekesalan, "Yaabang, Maria mengaku pernah curang dgn abang, tapi hanya 3 kali sahajaselama ni"<br /><br />"3 kali?" Tan Sri tu agak terkejut, tapi tak lamarah, dah tua dah dan memang berniat utk memaafkanisterinya,"Bagaimana boleh terjadi 3 kali tu Maria?"<br /><br />Perlahanjer la isteri dia mula membuka lebaran cerita lama, "Abang ingatkanmasa kita mula-mula kawin, terus beli rumah dan selang beberapa tahun,kita susah sangat masa tu hingga rumah kita hampir nak dirampas olehbank"<br /><br />"Ya, abang ingat peristiwa tu" jawab si suami. Si isterimenyambung cerita, "Abang pasti ingat yg pada satu petang tu Mariapergi jumpa pegawai bank tu dan esoknya, bank tu tak jadi rampas rumahkita, malah bagi tambahan pinjaman utk abang mulakan perniagaan.."<br /><br />"Emmmm..sukar buat abang menerima kenyataan ini, tapi abang maafkan mariakerana apa yg maria buat tu untuk masa depan kita jugak", kata sisuami, " Kali ke 2 pulak?"<br /><br />"Abang ingat tak, abang hampirmenemui maut sebab ketumbuhan dalam otak pembedahan?" si isterimenyambung cerita "Ya, abang ingat" jawab si suami. "Kalau macam tu,abang pasti ingat yg Maria ada pergi jumpa doktor pakar tu dan esoknya,dia setuju buat pembedahan utk abang tanpa bayaran apa-apa pun.."<br /><br />"Ohmaria, walau perit hati ini mendengarkan, tapi abang tetap maafkanmaria sebab apa yg maria buat tu untuk masa depan kita jugak dan keranasayangkan abang jugak.. yang kali ke 3 macam mana pulak? ", kata si TanSri. Si isteri menundukkan mukanya dan menjawab penuh lemah, "Abang,ingat tak masa abang bertanding merebut kerusi bahagian dan abangperlukan 248 undi lagi...."<br /><br />Tan Sri pengsan kat situ jugak...Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-50323294204514347222009-07-12T22:16:00.000-07:002009-07-12T22:17:16.228-07:00Rahsia Bantal1) Memeluk Bantal<br /><br /> Mereka yang suka memeluk bantal biasanya berjiwa seni. Mereka mempunyai penghargaan yang tinggi terhadap lukisan, muzik dan sastera. Perasaan mereka halus dan jiwa mereka romantik. Kadangkala ada yang boleh membaca peristiwa yang akan berlaku melalui mimpi. Mereka juga sangat prihatin terhadap kesusilaan. <br /> <br /> 2) Menggunakan Banyak Bantal<br /><br /> Mereka biasanya kurang kenyakinan. Dalam kehidupan seharian mereka memerlukan banyak pendamping. Mereka jarang membuat keputusan sendiri, sebaliknya mendapatkan pandangan orang lain.<br /><br /> <br /> 3) Tidur Dengan Satu Bantal <br /> <br /> Mereka bukan jenis mengada-ngada dan boleh menerima keadaan seadanya. Mereka juga membuat keputusan berdasarkan fikiran dan bukan nafsu semata-mata.<br /><br /> <br /> 4) Meletakkan Bantal Di Bawah Kaki<br /><br /> Mereka mempunyai sifat kurang baik. Mereka jarang bergaul dgn org ramai, malah kaku dalam pergaulan. Ini menyebabkan mereka cenderung bersifat egois. Mereka juga gemar menempuh jalan pintas untuk mencapai cita2. Mereka tdk suka berusaha. <br /> <br /> 5) Tidur tanpa Bantal <br /> <br /> Mereka memiliki sifat percaya diri yang sangat tinggi. Kadangkala sifat percaya diri ini akhirnya akan membawa kepada sifat ego.<br /><br /> <br /> 6) Tidak punya bantal<br /> <br /> Kasihan betul... pergi kedai belilah satuLieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-58821097004747976462009-07-11T22:27:00.000-07:002009-07-11T22:28:12.886-07:00Never Lie To A Woman...!!!Lesson 1 <br /> <br />A man called home to his wife and said, ' Honey I have been asked to go <br />fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends <br /> <br />We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that <br />Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a <br />week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I <br />will swing by the house to pick my things up' <br />' Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. ' <br /> <br />The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, <br />did exactly what her husband asked. <br /> <br />The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking <br />good. <br /> <br />The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? <br /> <br />He said, 'Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why <br />didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?' <br /> <br />You'll love the answer.... <br /> <br />The wife replied, ' I did. They're in your fishing box ...' <br /> <br /> <br />Lesson 2 <br />A Mom went to visit her son Kumar for dinner and found that Kumar had a <br />girl by the name of Sunita for a housemate... <br /> <br />During the course of dinner, Kumar's mother couldn't help but notice how <br />pretty Kumar's housemate was and the mother was suspicious of a possible <br />relationship between the two... <br /> <br />Over the course of the evening while watching Kumar and Sunita interacted, <br />the mother started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his <br />housemate than met the eyes and this made the mother even more curious.. <br /> <br />Reading his mother's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must <br />be thinking but I assure you, Sunita and I are just housemates". <br /> <br />About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother <br />came to dinner that night, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You <br />don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said," Well, I doubt it but I'll <br />email her just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote to his mother : <br /> <br />Dear Mother, <br />I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house. I'm not <br />saying that you did not take the silver plate ....But the fact remains that <br /> <br />it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner ... <br /> <br /> <br />Love, <br />Kumar <br /> <br />Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read : <br /> <br />Dear Son, <br />I'm not saying that you do sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you <br />do not sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in <br />her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the <br />pillow.. <br /> <br />Love, <br />Mom <br /> <br />Lesson to be learnt : <br />Don't Lie To Your Mother <br />She's Smarter Than You Think She Is .... <br /> <br />Never Lie To A Woman...!!!Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-57765320644998420202009-07-01T15:09:00.000-07:002009-07-01T15:10:19.580-07:00SHORT JOKES#1<br />Boss: Where were you born?<br />Sardar: India ..<br />Boss: which part?<br />Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .<br /><br />#2<br /><br />Sardar was fixing a bomb in a car. <br />Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb<br />explodes while fixing. <br />Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.<br /><br />#3<br />Sardar: What is the name of your car?<br />Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.<br />Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.<br /><br />#4<br /><br />Sardarjoined a new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.<br />Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.<br /><br />#5<br />Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken.<br />Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.<br /><br />#6<br />At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!<br />Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?<br /><br />#7<br />Sardar: You cheated me.<br />Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you..<br />Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '<br /><br />#8<br />In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?<br />Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....<br />Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.<br />Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...<br /><br />#9<br />Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?<br />Sardar: An old king's skeleton.<br />Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?<br />Sardar: That was the same king's skeleton when he was a child.Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-73072513015224775682009-07-01T14:37:00.001-07:002009-07-01T14:37:34.044-07:00BLACK BOX3 ladies were on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that therewas a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.<br /><br />AChinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to dollherself up. A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions.<br /><br />The Chinese lady replied that if she looked beautiful, the guyscoming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first.<br /><br />On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewelleries.<br /><br />An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.<br /><br />The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.<br /><br />Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off. Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her. The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the "Black Box" first!Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-53876237438040691002009-06-25T09:40:00.000-07:002009-06-25T09:42:29.341-07:00pemandu kapal terbangAli baru sahaja diterima bekerja sebagai pemandu kapal terbang oleh sebuah syarikat penerbangan<br /><br />Ketika melakukan penerbangan sulungnya, secara tidak disangka-sangka,pesawatnya mengalami kerosakan. Ali terus bertindak menghubungi menara kawalan .<br /><br />Ali : May day, may day, may day...!!<br />Ali cuba menghantar pesanan S.O.S kecemasan ke menara kawalannya .<br />Menara Kawalan : Kami memdengarnya. Sila berikan laporan anda<br />Ali : Kapal terbang ini mengalami kerosakan <br />Menara Kawalan : Baiklah. Kami akan menghantar bantuan dengan segera. Sila beritahu ketinggian dan posisi anda dengan segera..!!<br />Ali : Ya,baik, tinggi saya 170 CM,dan saya duduk di kerusi yang paling depan sekali!Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-32353167418388297582009-06-23T14:19:00.000-07:002009-06-23T14:20:13.635-07:00sakit jiwaSeorang lelaki sakit mental menganggap dirinya adalah jagung dan terlalu takut dengan ayam. Jika ternampak haiwan itu, dia akan lari lintang pukang kerana menyangka ayam akan memakannya. Akhirnya, lelakiitu dimasukkan ke rumah sakit jiwa. Setelah beberapa bulan, doktor pun melakukan ujian ke atas lelaki itu bagi mengenal pasti apakah dia telah pulih ataupun tidak.<br /><br />Doktor : Adakah kamu tahu siapa diri kamu sekarang?<br />Lelaki : Ya doktor.<br />Doktor : Siapa kamu sebenarnya.<br />Lelaki : Saya ini manusia doktor.<br />Doktor : Ya ke? Bukan jagung?<br />Lelaki : Bukan, saya manusia doktor.<br />Doktor : Kamu takut dengan ayam?<br />Lelaki : Tidak doktor.<br />Doktor : Hmm..bagus. Nampaknya kamu dah sembuh.<br />Lelaki : Tapi doktor, saya ada satu pertanyaan.<br />Doktor : Apa dia?<br />Lelaki : Ayam tahu tak yang saya ni dah berubah jadi manusia.<br />Doktor : "??$$??"Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-20835189163287759442009-06-23T14:12:00.000-07:002009-06-23T14:14:19.511-07:00wish<p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheOqJWldzUKW2z8k7r_dZF8ceATUM0UeVu9ls-sAe9kjQGFjr79C3pDFGTkiHAKOjkYeEUxmunHE8yJctRc3GOz0F6BPZHP-3NT9-9PcvSaIOVyZFS63GQcWtxRzCW_fqpoZgQChAHaJM/s1600-h/1264_pbf048adonemored_big.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 136px; HEIGHT: 363px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350634112107769058" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheOqJWldzUKW2z8k7r_dZF8ceATUM0UeVu9ls-sAe9kjQGFjr79C3pDFGTkiHAKOjkYeEUxmunHE8yJctRc3GOz0F6BPZHP-3NT9-9PcvSaIOVyZFS63GQcWtxRzCW_fqpoZgQChAHaJM/s400/1264_pbf048adonemored_big.jpg" /></a></p>Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-227170619980199922009-06-21T16:50:00.000-07:002009-06-21T16:51:08.540-07:00suratSeorang mahasiswa semester akhir menulis surat kepada ayahnya:<br /><br />Ayah,<br />Saya merasa t ida k selesa kerana terus menerus menulis surat kepada ayah untuk<br />meminta wang. Saya merasa malu dan sedih. Saya ingin meminta wang sebanyak<br />Rm1000 dari ayah, walaupun setiap bahagian tubuh saya memberontak. Saya meminta<br />dengan tulus dari hati saya yang paling dalam, ayah maafkan saya.<br /><br />Salam dari anakanda,<br />Sarip.<br /><br />p/s Saya merasa berat hati untuk mengirimkan surat ini, jadi saya cuba untuk<br />mengejar posmen yang mengambil surat ini dari dalam peti surat . Saya ingin<br />mengambil kembali surat ini dan membakarnya, kerana surat ini pasti menyusahkan<br />hati ayah. Saya berdoa dalam hati agar saya dapat semula surat ini, tapi sudah<br />terlambat.<br /><br /><br />Beberapa hari kemudian dia menerima balasan surat dari ayahnya yang mengandungi<br />ayat yang ringkas,<br /><br />Untuk Sarip,<br />'Nak, doamu sudah dimakbulkan. Suratmu t ida k pernah ayah terima'<br /><br />Dari Ayahmu.Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-55765344032727589932009-06-16T12:35:00.001-07:002009-06-16T12:35:39.929-07:00ARNAB"Suatu hari, seorang lelaki baru saja pulang kerumahnya setelah bekerja seharian.. dia melihat kucingnya sedang menggigit arnab peliharaan jirannya.. nampaknya arnab itu telah mati dan lelaki itu menjadi panik... Lelaki itu bimbang yang jiran nya akan membencinya akibat dari kejadian itu. Akhirnya dia mendapat idea.. dia mengambil arnab itu.. membawanya ke bilik mandi.. memandikannya, mengeringkan bulunya dan meletakkan semula ke kandang di halaman jirannya.. Dia berharap agar jirannya itu berkata yang arnab itu mati secara tiba-tiba bukan disebabkan kucingnya..<br /><br />Dua hari kemudian.. jirannya keluar dari rumah dan bertanya pada lelaki itu..<br /><br />"Engkau tahu tak yang arnab aku sudah mati?"<br /><br />Lelaki itu dengan gemetar menjawab..<br /><br />"Err.. tidak.. errm.. apa yang terjadi?"<br /><br />Jiran itu menjawab..<br /><br />"Arnab itu sudah mati di kandangnya... yang mengerikan adalah sehari sesudah aku menanamnya di belakang rumah.. ada seseorang menggalinya.. memandikannya dan meletakkannya semula di kandang ini... Aku pasti orang itu adalah orang gila dan mungkin berada dikawasan ini" "Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454778642418233483.post-54605642629378250452009-06-16T09:47:00.000-07:002009-06-16T10:16:55.851-07:00SIRANGKATA"Amar dan Omar.. dua sahabat sedang bertengkar mengenai perkataan yang betul..<br /><br />"Yang betul adalah SILANGKATA!" kata Amar<br /><br />"Bukan.. SIRANGKATA!" Bantah Omar<br /><br />"SILANGKATA!" Amar bertegas<br /><br />"Gila kau! SIRANGKATA yang betul, bodoh!" marah Omar<br /><br />"OK, kalau begitu, daripada kita bertengkar mari kita minta pendapat dari orang akan melalui jalan ini" cadang Amar...<br /><br />Omar setuju. Seketika kemudian seorang lelaki tua melintas jalan itu.. mereka terus bertanya..<br /><br />"Pak.. kami tumpang tanya.. mana yang betul..<br /><br />SILANGKATA atau SIRANGKATA?"tanya Amar.<br /><br />"Yang betul SIRANGKATA" jawab orang tua itu.<br /><br />Omar pun senyum kemenangan..<br /><br />"Terimakasih bebanyak ya pak" kata Omar pada orang tua itu..<br /><br />"TERIMA KASIH KEMBARI..." jawab orang tua itu pelat... "Lieza Sakurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09150142377910940455noreply@blogger.com0